Stronger Than They Look tells the incredible tale of a mighty warrior.
 

It all begins with a lovely couple getting ready to grow their family. But this is no ordinary baby journey. For these newlyweds, a pre-conception consultation leads to endless specialist appointments, which culminate in a month-long hospital stay for our author—beginning at 25 weeks pregnant.
 

A whirlwind of a "sick mommy ward" adventure later, our 1 lb, 14oz warrior makes a dramatic entrance into the world via emergency c-section. At 29 weeks gestation (but measuring at just 25 weeks,) he begins the fight of—and for—his life.

Baby boy quickly proves that tenacity is an inherited trait and size does not define outcomes. 

This book presents a highly personal account of what it's like to ride the emotional rollercoaster that preemie parents face every day. Readers experience the anxiety of a high-risk pregnancy, the shock of an emergent early-term birth, the ups and downs of a lengthy NICU stay, and the heaviness of trying to unpack trauma and get back to 'normal.' A first-time mother, the author shares intimate details about her grieving process, her inner monologue throughout her journey—and eventually, her healing.
 

The story concludes three and a half years later, as the author's NICU experience starts to fade more readily into the background. Readers see what life is like and how the family has changed. Most importantly, they learn how the no-longer-tiny but still very much mighty warrior is doing.

Stronger Than They Look was written to provide an honest, raw mom's perspective on the experience of having a baby born too soon. The book was actually written by accident. The author found writing therapeutic and realized it helped her heal as she processed her difficult introduction to parenthood.

As words tumbled onto the page, the NICU battle-scarred mom realized thousands of other parents affected by premature births every year may also find her story healing. She hopes that sharing her most vulnerable moments will allow other preemie parents to feel heard, validated, and understood.

The author's hope is that her collection of words will offer a safe place for families that may feel isolated as they work to navigate and understand a world that so few can truly comprehend.

Book Excerpt:

I read the statistics, I knew the odds - and based on my first 24 weeks, I thought I was going to be one of the 'lucky' high-risk moms who did all the 'right' things and had a healthy, term baby.

But instead, here I was. Sobbing on an ultrasound table.

The tech came back in and asked us if we'd move over to another waiting room. There were two chairs and a box of tissues.

I could only imagine how many impossible conversations this room had heard. How many moms and dads felt their hearts plummet to their feet and their stomachs rise to their throats as they realized the seriousness of their situation?

I tried to avoid thinking about all the devastating conversations that preceded my own—but it was like they were echoing off the walls.

In my mind, I heard sobs of mothers who were less fortunate than I, whose babies no longer had a fighting chance. Tears from fathers who realized the future they imagined was suddenly much different than it had been just moments before. It was devastating and humbling.

I reached for a tissue.

As I sat there, thinking about all these other people’s stories, I mentally pushed my story aside as if it weren’t really happening. As if my high-risk doctor wasn’t figuring out who to pass me off to for a potential delivery at 25 weeks. As if my son and I were not about to be in the fight for our lives.

I later learned that the denial I was experiencing was my brain's attempt at trying to protect me.

We sat there for what felt like an eternity (but was actually about fifteen minutes). I had no idea what was going to happen next. It felt like time stood still and things started moving dizzyingly fast, all at the same time.

A million possible outcomes started running through my head. Most weren't things I wanted to think about.

Finally, the doctor came in and said she was going to send me over to a different local hospital than the one I wanted to deliver at because my baby was too small for my selected hospital’s NICU. She said she would call ahead to explain what was going on, and would let their perinatal staff know to expect me. This was a hospital I had never been to before—that I knew nothing about and had zero plans to go to during this pregnancy—yet here they were, preparing for my arrival.

The doctor came back and said the call had been made. She told me I had a little time to go home and gather a few things, but that I should try and get there ‘within the next hour or so.’

Forty minutes of that hour would be spent driving, so I started wracking my brain to come up with a list of hospital must-haves. I was still hoping I'd be coming home, but knew that was unlikely. And since I was only 25 weeks, I didn't have a bag packed.

Before I walked out the door, the doctor gave me a hug and said, "You can do this. You're a strong woman.”

I’d soon learn she was right. You can be incredibly strong when you don’t have a choice.

At that moment, when the doctor sent us out the door, she knew far better than I did how hard it would be to face the next days and weeks. She knew what the neonatologists were going to come in and tell me about my baby's odds of survival if he were to be born at 25 weeks weighing less than 500 grams. Words would be said that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Lots of talk about "viability", "long-term issues" and "defects."

She knew that even in a best-case scenario, my odds of getting anywhere near term were low, and we had a long journey ahead. I just kept thinking, I’m only 25 weeks. It’s too soon. This can’t be happening.

But it was.

Want to read the rest of the story? Pre-order coming soon for Stronger Than They Look.

• Project NICU Parent Mentor Program
• Project Sweet Peas NICU Support
• Hand to Hold NICU Family Resources
• March of Dimes Family Support
• NICU Moms Facebook Group
• Beads of Courage

If you seek out therapy, look for therapists who specialize in high-risk pregnancy or birth trauma. Working with a therapist trained to teach you how to process the emotions that come along with this journey can change your life.

• Babies on Oxygen at Home Facebook Group
• Exclusively Pumping Moms Facebook Group
• Preemie Parents Club Facebook Group

It can be helpful to search for groups based on birth gestation as well (ex; 28-29 weeker group). It's helpful to have access to a group of families with preemies born around the same time who can relate to specific challenges you may be facing.